Boundaries-A Must Have

Yes, if you are a loving, kind, honest and giving person who doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feeling’s you will get eaten alive by narcissists’sociopaths. If this desribes you or the type of person you are you must protect yourself better with boundaries. If you don’t have any boundaries you are using on a daily basis to protect yourself from toxic people, you are going to get hurt. There are people out there who search for people like you, seek you out and use you. They will tell you everything you want to hear, they are pathological liars. Once you have attracted a narcissist/sociopath into your life the pattern sets itself and you will meet another one. It is a pattern of behavior your doing, usually without even realizing it, and it sets the stage for future events. even if you spend a couple years healing yourself dont think that you will automatically just stop attracting these types of people, it doesn’t happen that way. you will continue to attract what you always do you have to become consiously aware of your actions and thye way you deal with others in your relationships. And make changes accordingly. You have to become aware of your behaviors and how you are interacting with other people. you need to know what boundaries are, what they are for and how to place them in your life. do not go out there until you have placed firm boundaries in your life, it won’t work.


Why do we date?? We date to see if we even have anything in common with these people… Not because your’e looking for a husband, this is just to see if you can jive. So if he/she treats you with any type of disrespect, that is your cue to be done and move onto the next. Please don’t be so desperate for love that you excuse shitty behavior, or you make excuses with yourself so you don’t have to deal with the truth. You are not going to get along with every person you date, so pay attention to the signs and if those signs are flaming red flags then stop. Tell them thanks but you are not compatible, you don’t need to feel “bad”… stop being devastated because it didn’t work out, be happy you saw the signs and acted on them, that puts you one step ahead of the game. DON’T SETTLE and dont be devastated when something ends it is opening up room for something fabulous to happen to you, that is how it works…. we have ups and downs in life that is normal so when you are down just know that this will pass and you feel alive and well again, ying and yang of life. Who you truly are will never be defined by someone else.. only you!!


Some days I see so many say they are done, they will never love again. This always makes me sad. Because if you understood you create what your thinking and feeling about yourself, and it plays out in your daily life. You need to heal and get yourself mentally well before you are going to attract a decent guy/girl. if you are depressed all the time, thinking negatively, i promise you, if you meet someone new they are going to be toxic, just like your mood. We are all made of energy, each one of us, and that energy vibrates out to others. If everything you think about humanity is shit, your going to meet a shitty person. So how do you change this and raise your vibration to a much higher level?? You wake up every morning and the first thing you should be thinking about it what you have in your life that you are grateful for. Gratitude will change the worst of situations, it is very powerful. also you need to start looking at that cup as half full, not half empty, see everything we think is attracting others to us on that same level. The power of positive thinking is a proven, factual way of life that will raise your vibration higher, also and this is a must you must remove ALL toxic people you know that are in your life. There is nothing that will bring you down faster than a negative person or someone who drama just follows them every where. So just know that there are good people out there, if you haven’t met any yet, take a look at the dynamics going on in your life. They are out there.


People’s Intention’s

Many, many people on this planet are not kind good people. it is just facts. you cannot walk around in today’s world giving your huge heart to everyone. There are pathological liars, scammers, thieves, and just mean spirited people who would love a chance to harm you, so please don’t be naive to this and think everyone is good. Make people earn your trust don’t give it away. Do not volunteer to be a victim.


Do No Harm, But Take No shit


Trauma Bonds and Healing


Let’s talk about trauma bonds. So many of you are stuck here and with so many new members that is pretty normal. But how do you stop the pain from a trauma bond? The first step is to go no contact, which stings at first, but it will pass if you stick to it and work on your healing. If you are still interacting with them it is very difficult to heal.
Your body is withdrawing from oxytocin, the feel good chemical we produce when we are in love. So when we say your coming off drugs you really are and it feels terrible. Your body hurts, your stomach is in your throat and the anxiety you go thru is uncontrollable. This is a temporary feeling, if you do the work of healing. Everyone is different so be patient with yourself, it can be weeks, months or years even depending on the amount of emotional abuse and brain washing you have been subjected to. Tell yourself the truth as much as possible, be real with yourself. You did not create this situation, they did you were manipulated so always seek the truth and stay in your truth, not theirs.
Get support, be it a group like this or a therapist if you have insurance. Or both!!


The Five Stages of Grief


The 5 Stages of Grief From Narcissistic Abuse

You will undoubtedly feel all of those at some point while recovering from the psychopathic relationship. But losing a psychopath is not like losing a friend/family member; it’s not like losing a regular, loving partner. Here are the modified stages of grief from a psychopathic relationship:



Total Devastation……..
All-consuming devastation. Absolute shock and disbelief. Feelings of total emptiness, thoughts of suicide and extreme difficulty performing trivial tasks. Your hormones are going cold-turkey from a chemical addiction. You will feel ugly and drained — your body will physically deteriorate (before/after pictures of D&D victims are horrifying). Your sex drive will oscillate between desire for him and the misery of thinking about what you no longer have. Psychologically, you are extremely raw and vulnerable from the D&D, but at this point you aren’t even aware what a D&D is — you are just a victim of it, and therefore feel it instead of understand it (like you do now). You genuinely believe you deserve this. That you are worthless. You are nobody without him. You are jealous, crazy, needy, clingy, everything is your fault.
Typically begins when the psychopath starts waving his “happy” life in your face. You see him running off with OW, or telling the world how flawless his life is (commonly done through social media). You aren’t even angry about the OW, because you likely have no idea how long the infidelity was going on. You just feel the need to prove that you are fine and dandy like the psychopath, because then maybe he’ll want you back. You change jobs, friends, lash out at everyone and everything except the psychopath. You go out drinking, partying, having mindless sex, in huge efforts to convince yourself and him that you are fine. You will become very impulsive, blowing money and harboring delusional thoughts of returning to your idealizer. You may try to replicate the exact dynamic you had with the psychopath with another man, only to get very frustrated that your sex life isn’t as good or that he doesn’t love-bomb you with attention.
Education & Self-doubt……….
Somehow, you come across psychopathy (or narcissism, sociopathy, etc). Whether it be through an internet search or a therapist, you know deep down that something within you is deeply broken. Even though you want to prove you’re happy, you also want to figure out what the hell just happened. When you read all of the red flags of psychopathy, you will experience extreme self-doubt. You will continue to blame yourself and wonder if you’re just labeling him a psychopath because you can’t handle the “truth” (his truth) of how you ruined the relationship. You oscillate back and forth between your idealizer and devaluer. How could someone who claimed to be so amazed by you also hate your guts? How could he go from obsession to contempt in the blink of an eye? It isn’t possible. There’s no way you dated a psychopath. He loved you. Right?
Understanding the Psychopath………..
This stage doesn’t exist in any way with the normal stages, but it’s one of the most important in your recovery process. Education can only take you so far. You need to feel what they feel. Most victims live by compassion and love, so it is nearly impossible to empathize with a psychopath. In fact, this is why they’re able to get away with so much. Because normal human beings automatically project their conscience onto everyone else. But sooner or later, you will be so consumed by psychopathy that you finally understand how their minds work. You can actually put all of his behavior into the perspective of a psychopath and suddenly everything clicks. It all makes sense, when it never did before. From the mirroring to the love-bombing to the delayed criticism to the eventual D&D. You feel disgusted. You realize you were never loved; just another target a never-ending cycle. You realize you’ve never behaved like this in any other relationship. You can look back at all of the things that made you feel paranoid, and see that they were all calculated and intentional. You come to the horrifying realization that the person you trusted was actively working against you.

Once you understand the psychopath, you’re absolutely disgusted. Your self-doubt is being replaced by anger. You know the truth. You see how you were used, manipulated, and brainwashed. You’re beyond angry. You want to murder him. You want to contact everyone in his life and tell them what he did. You want to write him a letter and tell him to burn in hell (don’t, by the way. NCEA). You obsessively talk about it with your friends and family, you need to get your story out there. You’ve been shut up and minimized for so long, your voice is finally free. You begin to feel all of the things you weren’t allowed to feel in the relationship. Whenever you accused him of cheating or lying, he would turn it around and blame it on you so you felt bad instead of mad. This cognitive dissonance has caused a huge displacement of anger. You feel delayed emotions of jealousy as you realize how long the cheating was going on, as you realize he was telling her you were abusive in order to gain her sympathy. The smear campaign makes you feel the need to prove yourself. This delayed rage is totally expected after a psychopathic relationship. It can take months, even years to feel. Please, if possible, do not act on it. You will only prove the psychopath’s point. The greatest thing you can do is remain calm and composed. It will drive him insane. He wants you to feel rage so he can show everyone how crazy you are and how much you still love him.
You will go back and forth between depression and rage for a very long time. You will have good days and bad. One day, you will think you can move on — the next, you wake up angry and screaming. You don’t want to be mad. You don’t deserve to be mad. All you did was fall in love. You isolate yourself, you surround yourself with people who understand you on discussion forums. You have obsessive, racing thoughts. The tiniest things set you off. Your boundaries are returning (or perhaps being formed for the very first time) and you can’t believe you let yourself sink so low. You realize how much you lost. Not just friends, money, life experience, etc, but also your innocence. Your kind understanding of the world has been shattered. Instead of giving people the benefit of the doubt, you suddenly have trouble trusting. You will experience constant feeling of dread and tightness in your heart.
You start asking questions. Why did this happen? What are my vulnerabilities? Of course these vulnerabilities aren’t your fault, but it is important to understand how you were able to be exploited. You’re spending time with others who have gone through something similar, so you have hope and little bursts of joy. You have validation beyond belief, often triggering you back to rage & depression, but these feelings are healthy. You are finally feeling what you were supposed to feel during the entire relationship. Everything falls into place and you can calmly & coherently describe what you went through and what happened. Instead of feeling the D&D, you can talk about it like a scientific term. You’ve made new friends, and you’re starting to realize that you’ve almost made it. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, even if it’s taking a while to get there.
You begin to discover your strengths. Many of these were strengths you always possessed but never valued. You realize your compassion, empathy, and love are not weaknesses. They are the most incredible gifts in the world, when applied to the right people. Your self-respect comes from within, not other people validating your insecurities. You start to understand who you are and who you’re truly meant to be. It took the psychopath’s nastiness to make you see exactly who you never want to be. You laugh at his old notions that “you were the same person”, because you realize you are exactly the opposite. You begin to explore your creative side, and you stop caring what others think of you. Old friendships may change as you change and become more confident. Embrace the new you, and open your heart to love again. You are free now. You should be so, incredibly proud of yourself. You made it, and your life path has forever changed for the better.


Join My Woman’s Recovery-Support Group On Facebook


Just click above and request to join, answer a couple questions and start to heal your life from narcissistic trauma and abuse.


You Matter, Your Life Matters, Heal Yourself In A Supportive Setting.

This is a non profit recovery group for women who have been victimized by a narcissist, sociopath or psychopath. our goal here is to seek understanding and acceptance that these people are disordered and cannot be changed. Empaths and sociopaths are naturally attracted to each other causing devastating effects. In this group we promote no contact and healing, you cannot heal in a toxic environment. Education is key to healing. one must fully educate themselves on sociopathy by reading the articles in this group or searching yourself for like minded materials. you must educate yourself to understand what has been done to you so you can learn how to fix it and stop the attraction to disordered people. Boundaries will also be key to your healing, the only way to stop toxic people from invading your life is to recognize the red flags and have very strong boundaries. If your still attracting these kinds of toxic people into your lives your boundaries are not strong enough. Healing takes time, be patient with yourself you didn’t get into this mess over night you wont get out overnight either it takes time.

So if your path in life has brought you to this group there’s a very high chance you have a sociopath or narcissist in your life, or you are being adversely affected by an asshole. Remember abuse is abuse you dont need a diagnosis to know you dont want that kind of behavior in your life. Remove all toxic people from your world, do the work and heal yourselves there is a light at the end of this tunnel. Begin today and take back your life.

Karen Wilson-Shaw (contact info)