I haven’t written anything in so long. I wish I could describe the past two years feelings and get them on my laptop but I just don’t feel the need like I did a year ago. I am wondering if I have reached that final stage where your insides start to let go of all that you were suffering and you begin to move on. that day of acceptance…. there are so many stages of grief you go thru you don’t ever feel like acceptance is even an option, like it is something so far away from your reach. but I really believe that is what is going on with me now. thank god. I no the journey to healing isn’t over yet but I have hit a major change in how I feel about all of this. and for that I welcome change. I can finally let go and move forward. I regret I didn’t write every day about my experience but I couldn’t. I was completely broken and paralyzed. the words just wouldn’t come out any more I just shut down. but the worst is over and I just realized that I am starting to get a little tiny life. two years ago I was sitting completely alone and in shock learning that the guy I loved and trusted was in fact a sociopath.. and nobody understood what was really going on but me. I had no one around me I was completely isolated. not a good feeling. but things are looking up and now maybe I can try and write about what its like to recover from a relationship with a sociopath. acceptance, yes. its a good place to finally be.
why would a human being who has once loved you and been a huge part of your life stonewall you and give you the silent treatment? this is considered to be such an abusive, cruel, damaging and hateful act one can commit. the person this is done to is left feeling like they are nothing. realizing you never meant a damn thing to someone who was once your reason for living is devastating. it is emotional abuse of the worst kind and is common behavior in sociopaths and narcissists. it is done intentionally to make the receiver feel worthless, it destroys ones self esteem and causes physical pain and can leave one permanently damaged in the worst way. it is a cowards way to dismiss someone from their life without any explanation of why. people who use this treatment with someone who used to be a big part of their life or someone they say they once loved are insecure, mentally ill, lacking in empathy, immature, selfish and self centered beyond understanding and a controlling ego maniac. it makes the sociopath feel good knowing they hurt you in such a cruel and inhumane way. blocking you from their life like you never even existed.
I JUST WAS GLANCING THROUGH SOME OLD SITES I AM ON USING MY OLD DESKTOP AND ONE SITE, IT PULLED UP GM’S PROFILE. EVEN THOUGH ITS PRIVATE, OF COURSE, IT SAYS WIDOWER, (HE IS NOT WIDOWED), RIDES A MOTORCYCLE, AND IS LOOKING FOR RIDING PARTNERS (HE DOESN’T HAVE A MOTORCYCLE NOR IS HE EVEN A BIKER). I SAW A SIMILAR COMMENT ON A PROFILE PIC OF HIS ON FACEBOOK, HE IS BRAGGING IN A COMMENT HOW HE HAD DONE SOMETHING I KNEW WAS A FLAT OUT LIE. EVEN WITH ALL MY RESEARCH ITS STILL SO HARD TO BELIEVE THIS WAS IN MY LIFE. ALL THOSE HOURS OF TALKING AND WONDERING HOW MUCH WAS A LIE, HE GOT THE WEBSITE FROM WHEN I FLEW THERE TO STAY WITH HIM. HE SAW IT ON MY COMPUTER AND WENT BEHIND MY BACK AND JOINED BUT IM BLOCKED??? WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF PERSON DOES THAT? A PSYCHO THAT’S WHO.