a friend and i were just talking about removing people and there drama from your life and how peace is your reward. it can be hard for you to say no to people but this is something you must learn to do. most of us empaths find it hard to say no, we do things we dont want to do for others because they try to manipulate us into thinking we aren’t being a good friend or some other emotional black mail. one of the lessons to be learned in this experience is how you use your boundaries for yourself protection and your life. i never had any boundaries in place my whole life until recently. i was continually walked on and used. its a horrible feeling, causes you stress and destroys your self esteem. be done, take your peace back. if someone is trying to manipulate you into doing things you don’t want to be doing, really think about what your actions will bring you. is it something you want to be doing, are you helping or enabling the other person? most times youll see its just enabling them so they can get what they want. do they care about how you feel about what your doing? its one thing to be kind , another to be used. you and your feelings come first. you matter. if someone is taking advantage of your kindness say no and be firm. remove these emotional blood suckers from your life. by doing so you will grow and change how you see yourself. put your boundaries up in place and dont budge no matter what they say about you. taking care of you is your job no one else s make sure you remember that you come first. then peace will come from inside you not from any body else. that is true peace…….
To those of us with shattered hearts, the ones who have associated the word “love” with “fear”, “remorse”, “rejection” and “pain”. Us who fall short of a true smile most days because there is a silent disease that lays like a shadow over our every action, step and movement.
To those of us who know what it feels like to have our hearts broken like glass on a concrete floor, repaired with the glue of lies, put back together with false hope and then thrown carelessly to their demise again…
To those of us who fight daily with a darkness that is an epidemic to our health, sanity and self esteem, to all of us who know that loving that darkness can be confusing, addicting and life altering.
To those of us who feel love like a thousand razor blades to our souls as we bleed out all that…
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Today is valentines day. please don’t be sad or think that you are alone especially if you you have recently left your partner. you have yourself back finally. don’t give up NC it will only break your heart. instead go out and do something for yourself, buy yourself some roses and place them in your home, flowers make the world look brighter. this holiday is so commercialized and doesn’t have to be only if you are in a relationship. do you have a single friend? give them flowers and see how bright you can make their day by letting them know they truly aren’t alone. be good to yourselves.
A LONG TIME AGO
MY FIRST HUSBAND WAS A SOCIOPATH. IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I WOULD HEAR THIS WORD. SOCIOPATH. MY MOTHER EXPLAINED TO ME WHEN MY DIVORCE WAS FINAL AND I WAS A COMPLETE WRECK, THAT IT WASN’T MY FAULT AND DID I KNOW THIS???? I HAD NO CLUE WHAT SHE MEANT WE DIDN’T HAVE THE INTERNET BACK THEN, I REMEMBER LOOKING UP THE WORD IN A DICTIONARY AND READING NO CONSCIENCE NO REMORSE. THAT WAS IT. I NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS WOULD THINK THIS COULD HAPPEN TO SOMEONE MORE THAN ONCE. BUT LOOKING BACK MOST OF MY RELATIONSHIPS WERE WITH THESE KIND OF PEOPLE. AFTER MY DIVORCE I FOUND OUT THE TRUTH ABOUT WHAT MY HUSBAND WAS DOING BEHIND MY BACK. HE HAD BEEN CHEATING ON ME SINCE BEFORE WE WERE EVEN MARRIED, STEALING ALL MY JEWELRY TO BUY DRUGS WITH, AND I REMEMBER HAVING TO SLEEP WITH MY PAIN MEDS IN MY SOCK AFTER HAVING SURGERY OR HE WOULD STEAL THE PILLS. HE WOULD LOOK ME STRAIGHT IN THE EYE AND DENY EVER TAKING THEM EVEN THOUGH THERE WAS NO ONE IN OUR HOME. I INTENTIONALLY COUNTED THEM BEFORE I WENT TO THE BATHROOM AND RE COUNTED THEM WHEN I GOT BACK. I WAS MISSING QUITE A FEW IN MINUTES. HE WOULD TELL ME I WAS GOING CRAZY AND AFTER AWHILE I STARTED QUESTIONING MY OWN SANITY. THE SAME THING WITH MY JEWELRY . NO ONE ELSE WAS EVER NEAR THAT KIND OF STUFF OF MINE BUT I STILL WANTED TO BELIEVE HIM AND HE WAS SO CONVINCING. HOW DOES SOMEONE LOOK YOU IN THE EYE AND LIE SO EASILY? NOW I KNOW HOW. THIS IS REFERRED TO AS GAS LIGHTING HE ALSO WOULD STAY OUT ALL NIGHT LONG AND COME HOME EARLY IN THE MORNINGS. WHEN I WOULD QUESTION HIM HE WOULD SIT IN OUR BEDROOM WITH A SHOT GUN IN HIS MOUTH THREATENING TO KILL HIMSELF. IT GOT TO THE POINT WHERE THIS WAS NORMAL BEHAVIOR IN MY HOME. THIS IS COMPLETE INSANITY. I REMEMBER AROUND THE TIME I FILED FOR A DIVORCE I HAD TOLD HIM , IF YOUR GOING TO SHOOT YOURSELF PLEASE GO OUTSIDE SO I DON’T HAVE TO CLEAN UP THE MESS. HE THEN WENT OUTSIDE AND SHOT THE GUN OFF IN THE AIR. THEY LIE THEY CHEAT AND THEY STEAL FROM YOU. DO YOU STILL THINK THIS IS YOUR SOUL MATE???