A LONG TIME AGO

A LONG TIME AGO
MY FIRST HUSBAND WAS A SOCIOPATH. IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I WOULD HEAR THIS WORD. SOCIOPATH. MY MOTHER EXPLAINED TO ME WHEN MY DIVORCE WAS FINAL AND I WAS A COMPLETE WRECK, THAT IT WASN’T MY FAULT AND DID I KNOW THIS???? I HAD NO CLUE WHAT SHE MEANT WE DIDN’T HAVE THE INTERNET BACK THEN, I REMEMBER LOOKING UP THE WORD IN A DICTIONARY AND READING NO CONSCIENCE NO REMORSE. THAT WAS IT. I NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS WOULD THINK THIS COULD HAPPEN TO SOMEONE MORE THAN ONCE. BUT LOOKING BACK MOST OF MY RELATIONSHIPS WERE WITH THESE KIND OF PEOPLE. AFTER MY DIVORCE I FOUND OUT THE TRUTH ABOUT WHAT MY HUSBAND WAS DOING BEHIND MY BACK. HE HAD BEEN CHEATING ON ME SINCE BEFORE WE WERE EVEN MARRIED, STEALING ALL MY JEWELRY TO BUY DRUGS WITH, AND I REMEMBER HAVING TO SLEEP WITH MY PAIN MEDS IN MY SOCK AFTER HAVING SURGERY OR HE WOULD STEAL THE PILLS. HE WOULD LOOK ME STRAIGHT IN THE EYE AND DENY EVER TAKING THEM EVEN THOUGH THERE WAS NO ONE IN OUR HOME. I INTENTIONALLY COUNTED THEM BEFORE I WENT TO THE BATHROOM AND RE COUNTED THEM WHEN I GOT BACK. I WAS MISSING QUITE A FEW IN MINUTES. HE WOULD TELL ME I WAS GOING CRAZY AND AFTER AWHILE I STARTED QUESTIONING MY OWN SANITY. THE SAME THING WITH MY JEWELRY . NO ONE ELSE WAS EVER NEAR THAT KIND OF STUFF OF MINE BUT I STILL WANTED TO BELIEVE HIM AND HE WAS SO CONVINCING. HOW DOES SOMEONE LOOK YOU IN THE EYE AND LIE SO EASILY? NOW I KNOW HOW. THIS IS REFERRED TO AS GAS LIGHTING HE ALSO WOULD STAY OUT ALL NIGHT LONG AND COME HOME EARLY IN THE MORNINGS. WHEN I WOULD QUESTION HIM HE WOULD SIT IN OUR BEDROOM WITH A SHOT GUN IN HIS MOUTH THREATENING TO KILL HIMSELF. IT GOT TO THE POINT WHERE THIS WAS NORMAL BEHAVIOR IN MY HOME. THIS IS COMPLETE INSANITY. I REMEMBER AROUND THE TIME I FILED FOR A DIVORCE I HAD TOLD HIM , IF YOUR GOING TO SHOOT YOURSELF PLEASE GO OUTSIDE SO I DON’T HAVE TO CLEAN UP THE MESS. HE THEN WENT OUTSIDE AND SHOT THE GUN OFF IN THE AIR. THEY LIE THEY CHEAT AND THEY STEAL FROM YOU. DO YOU STILL THINK THIS IS YOUR SOUL MATE???

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