so many ask this question,how, how could this have happened to me? because they are master manipulators that’s how don’t be hard on yourself. like a lot of us this will be a changing point in your life. a moment of clarification and you will see things you never saw before. its like be awakened. once you know your mind wont except this type of behavior anymore, well if you apply your knowledge to healing yourself and changing the way you see abuse. which usually follows after you realize this is not ok or exceptable to you as a human being. we all have made this mistake, trusting people we shouldn’t have trusted especially with our lives. yes its very painful but this truth will set you free.

Once you lie to me, I will not trust you again.


Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

Lying is acceptable to most people. Not to me. I’ve had way too many people lie to me about serious issues that have harmed me.

If I need to be able to trust someone, and I know they are lying to me – especially to cover their own issues/wrongs that have hurt me – that is the end of any trust I can ever have in that person.

You cannot trust a liar, especially those who can’t even admit they are liars.

Lying to someone is abusive, a betrayal and it is deliberate behaviour. It shows an absolute lack of respect, lack of honesty, lack of empathy and shows how self motivated and weak the person is. And how they are willing to hurt, harm and betray someone, for their own needs which are paramount.

And once someone lies, you are very unwise to not consider what else they have been lying about – as it is…

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sometimes we have to do things in life that we don’t want to or things that are uncomfortable to us to reach the other side.  but once you get there i promise you will look back and know you made the right choice.  there is no joy in living with a narcissist, sociopath or psychopath.  stop the cycle of abuse. be true to yourself and your children !!   change can be horrifying but without it we wouldn’t have growth.  where there is lessons there is growth.

Why Victims & Survivors MUST Keep Talking

Salem Witch Hunt

“…they’ve tried to call me crazy, a liar, a scorned woman, jealous in some way, or a nut-job. I’m in good company because that’s exactly what millions of victims who speak out or try to help are called, too.”

survivor2   mystory2

From The Stumbling Block:

One of the hardest things I do is to convince other victims to tell their stories. I let them know its o.k. to leave out specifics like names and places to protect innocent parties, but tell.

Even in the Jewish community survivors face huge hurdles–mostly by being accused of Loshan Hara. But those of us who try to help these victims know all too often its a “shut up” tactic used by abusers and their friends to stop the truth from coming out.

One of the most difficult things I’ve ever done is to talk about some of the abusers in my life…

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Sociopaths hurt you because they can . period . it makes them feel good. its so important to understand what makes them tick so you can learn to let go. you didn’t do anything wrong ! you didn’t deserve to be hurt by anyone. they enjoy taking kind people and crushing them because they get off on doing so that is all, not because you deserved it. when you finally understand this concept you will find yourself again.




even if the NARCISSIST is  spreading rumors about you, calling you crazy, running a  smear campaign and trying to destroy you, show no emotion. when we get upset and attack back it MAKES us look crazy, just reaffirming what they are telling everyone. then people think , oh your right she is nuts. by reacting your feeding into what the narcissist wants, dont give them the satisfaction thats how they win. if you dont respond people will soon see your not the crazy bitch he says you are. use the grey rock method always this is especially important in courtrooms and trials. SHOW ZERO EMOTION, GO NO CONTACT, DONT PLAY OR FEED INTO THEIR GAMES, BECAUSE IT IS A GAME TO THEM AND IF YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO PLAY IT YOU WILL LOSE.

The Unintended Compliment


Grace for my Heart

It’s Narcissist Friday!  

A backhanded (or left-handed) compliment is one that comes with its own slap. “That dress is amazing; it makes you look slim!”

A backwards compliment is much the same without the intent. “Your hair makes you look different, really cute!”

An unintended compliment is one that wasn’t meant to be a compliment at all. It may not have been meant as an insult either. It was probably just a statement or an action.

Narcissists do so much to pull people down. They criticize and insult and ignore and use. They say such cruel things and treat others like dirt. It doesn’t take long for some people to begin to believe the narcissist and think of themselves as inferior and unworthy.

But it might surprise you to realize that the narcissist gives you an unintended compliment every day. Whether he/she will admit it or not, you are…

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dont ever let another person define who you are !!! yes you are a target when you have a low sense of self worth its what they look for that and kindness, empathy , everything they are not. you regain self love by putting boundaries in place and using them. you dont stand around and question things anymore. if something feels off you remove yourself from the equation. like red flags, when you see them as a warning and act accordingly you are less likely to be victimized. its about coming out of victim mode and believing in yourself and that takes time and life experience, give yourself the time !!! i believe to heal you need 3 things. 1. education of the subject 2. support from others who have been there. 3. time. believe in yourself not what some dumb jerk said about you. they are wrong. you are a good person and the universe is trying to teach you a very important lesson.