there is nothing healthy about a sociopath or the way they have treated us. try not to look for answers you may never find. the hurt is part of what we go through to get to the other side try to just walk through it i know how badly it hurts i remember well. it still rushes back at me at moments and i tell myself i did not do this i did not deserve this, he is broken i am not. its the same for you, you did nothing to deserve this but the universe ( god, whatever you use ) is doing this so you wake up and find yourself and you will. the universe has something better for you. help others who are going through this too its very healing. and remember you are not alone in this.