Did you believe you met your soulmate? the one who is your knight in shining armor? did he sweep you off your feet in a very short period of time, treat you like you were the most important person they had ever met? wanted to know every little secret you ever had, constantly asking you questions about yourself, finding out your inter most desires in life only to turn around over night and flip the script on you. every secret you ever told them in confidence will now be used against you in a smear campaign. the more you fight them the worst they will smear your good name. they turn into the enemy over night, cheating, lying, stealing and making up stories about you that portray you as the abuser and them as the victim. they almost always leave you for new supply. they get bored very easy and must constantly have there ego fed by the one closest to them and will discard you to find a better supply to meet these needs. and when they do so they will try to destroy you with lies and slander and the worst part is they are convincing to others that what they are saying about you is true. be silent during this time if people don’t understand then they are not your true friends, remove them from your lifeline you need only true loyal friends at this time if you are left alone with no friends after doing this that’s OK, you’ll make new friends slowly in the future when you start to live again. victims are left devastated and blaming themselves for the narcissists/sociopaths abuse, this is not your fault you have been assaulted by a sociopath / narcissist. educate yourself on trauma bonds and Stockholm syndrome, we have all been touched by a trauma bond and educating yourself about these two things will help you break the bond the sociopath / narcissist has over you. stop the cycle of abuse know that this relationship is never going to survive the damage done to it, it wont ever change and get better, they are simply not capable. sure they can write you promises and swear to you that they will change but it wont ever happen to anyone with anti social personality disorder. the sooner you can accept this fact the sooner you can work towards your healing and please for Gods sake put the blame where it is deserved, with the sociopath / narcissist, not with yourself because you didn’t see it coming. in no way are you responsible for the damage caused by a sociopath / narcissist. so get that thought out of your head, don’t confuse yourself more than your abuser already has.
With a sociopath or narcissist if they are accusing you of cheating mark my words they are doing just that and they can do it but god forbid if you do it. Then you’re a whore. They do it because they can and for no other reason. Real life rules don’t apply to them. They have zero remorse and zero conscience and no empathy. Pretty much they are void and soulless. Sociopaths only love themselves but they are excellent actors and this will be the hardest thing to wrap your mind around. But it’s the absolute truth. They are attracted to your kindness, being naive and having a huge heart. They want to steal your empathy because they have none and feel none. They use people. They are liars cheats and thieves they have zero morals so when it comes to sex they do it with anyone it doesn’t matter who. Is it a set up? Yes. And it will destroy who you are inside you will be left with all the mess to clean up financially and other wise. They simply do not care about anything but themselves. The epitome of selfishness. Does it have anything to do with you or did you do something wrong???? Hell no. this is just the kind of people they are. They have a personality disorder and there is no cure. My advice to you is to move on. Run as fast as you can the other way and save yourself. I know I sound harsh and like I’m a hater which simply isn’t true, I loved my sociopath with all my heart but that didn’t do any good. They don’t ever change their ways and he will die doing the same old thing the only part you can change is who he does it with. Don’t let it be you and don’t ever think it was because of you. You didn’t make him this way and there is nothing you can do to help him. Walk away. No run!!!!!!
Does it ever get better? seems to be the one question we all ask at some point in all this. usually when the pain is so bad we don’t think we can take any more. remember this, through pain is growth, without it we would never change and to change is exactly what we need. the best way to get well from a relationship with someone with ASPD is to educate yourself on the disorder and learn about the forms of manipulation and abuse. the more you know the better you will understand what has happened to you and why you feel as bad as you do. read everything you can get your hands on. you also need some kind of support with others and or a therapist who specializes in personality disorders, be careful if they dont they can cause you even more damage. any therapist who tells you to get over it is not going to be a good fit. walk away and find another one your paying for this service make sure you get your moneys worth. many of us have made it with just using support groups like this. you need validation and to know your not losing your mind like so many of us have felt we are. the most important thing i think you can learn to help yourself is to learn about and build boundaries. most of us empaths let other people treat us like crap and that has to stop. make a list of what treatment from ANYONE you will no longer accept and put that into action. let NO ONE cross those lines you put up ever again. by doing this you will change your life and the people you allow in it from now on. this is so important that you do this and follow through with the boundaries you put up for yourself. you will gain self respect and self love by doing this action. read daily affirmations that are positive and stay no contact as much as you possibly can if you dont have children with them then you shouldnt be communicating with them , not if you want to get well. if you do have to see them because of your kids keep conversations limited to only regarding your children , they dont need to know whats going on in your life keep it impersonal. by doing thse things your life will get better and the pain will subside but you must be pro active in your healing it wont just happen by itself so the sooner you get to work the sooner you will feel better. don’t get me wrong sounds easy but its very hard work and no one can do it for you you must walk this path by yourself. i wish you all love, light and healing.
why we go no contact ( that includes looking at his ( her) facebook or other account profiles…..the longer you go without seeing anything or information about what they are doing the better you will begin to heal. minutes turn into hours hours turn into days and days turn into weeks then months. the longer you go the better you start to feel. that second you decide to peak or send them a nasty msg, it sends you reeling backwards to the pain you felt that first day of no contact. i know i did it. i wish i could learn the lesson for all of you but i cant you’ll either do it or you wont. pay attention to how bad it makes you feel when you do, you just have to start over from the very beginning. and that really sucks. #starting over……getting them away from you is the best gift of freedom you can give yourself….
narcissists are the cruelest people walking the planet, they never get well and stop abusing you for long, just once in awhile they are nice to you because they want something from you, they will say their sorry and in the same sentance they will say…….but if you wouldn’t have done that i wouldn’t have to react this way. it will always be your fault that he is lying, always your fault he is cheating, always your fault he goes off into narcissistic rages. if you stay its always going to be because you weren’t good enough. all these are lies but you get so dependent on the narcissist and they are so mentally abusive and fuck with your mind so badly that you become a total victim. they steal your friends, your money, your children if they can, they want to hurt you and destroy you its what they do. what they live for. remember this a narcissist hates his victim especially when you are weak and hurt they despise weakness in caring people they see us as a joke. this is not love in any form i don’t care how nice he can be for a few days its all bullshit smoke and mirrors with a narc and the smartest and best thing you can do at this point is run as far away from him as you can get and never look back. we are not full of shit this is the truth and i pray you grasp onto something here that helps you heal from all this but healing is gonna hurt like hell and its gonna take time but like most of us here , it can be done. we are proof you can be ok and find a better life for yourself and we will be there every step of the way. keep reading the articles and really open your eyes to what is happening to you. narcissists are emotional vampires and they leave when theres nothing of you left to take it sounds like you are to that point take back your life.
so many ask this question,how, how could this have happened to me? because they are master manipulators that’s how don’t be hard on yourself. like a lot of us this will be a changing point in your life. a moment of clarification and you will see things you never saw before. its like be awakened. once you know your mind wont except this type of behavior anymore, well if you apply your knowledge to healing yourself and changing the way you see abuse. which usually follows after you realize this is not ok or exceptable to you as a human being. we all have made this mistake, trusting people we shouldn’t have trusted especially with our lives. yes its very painful but this truth will set you free.
dont ever let another person define who you are !!! yes you are a target when you have a low sense of self worth its what they look for that and kindness, empathy , everything they are not. you regain self love by putting boundaries in place and using them. you dont stand around and question things anymore. if something feels off you remove yourself from the equation. like red flags, when you see them as a warning and act accordingly you are less likely to be victimized. its about coming out of victim mode and believing in yourself and that takes time and life experience, give yourself the time !!! i believe to heal you need 3 things. 1. education of the subject 2. support from others who have been there. 3. time. believe in yourself not what some dumb jerk said about you. they are wrong. you are a good person and the universe is trying to teach you a very important lesson.
do yourself a favor.
don’t romanticize a past that left scars.
skip past the “good thoughts” you keep torturing yourself with.
strip the memories bare.
see them for what they really are-not what you believe,
or what you wish they had been……..
but focus on the moment on the pain.
remember that part.
don’t sugarcoat the romance with cotton candy or rainbows.
he was a LESSON…….
NOT THE ONE WHO GOT AWAY.
this is hard to swallow but we allow people to treat us badly when we don’t stand up for ourselves. we can only blame ourselves for this the narcissist doesn’t even really know better they think they are superior to you. allow no one to treat you like shit and you will become a much happier healthier example for your kids and yourself. take shit from no one ever !
the silent treatment