Boundaries-A Must Have

Yes, if you are a loving, kind, honest and giving person who doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feeling’s you will get eaten alive by narcissists’sociopaths. If this desribes you or the type of person you are you must protect yourself better with boundaries. If you don’t have any boundaries you are using on a daily basis to protect yourself from toxic people, you are going to get hurt. There are people out there who search for people like you, seek you out and use you. They will tell you everything you want to hear, they are pathological liars. Once you have attracted a narcissist/sociopath into your life the pattern sets itself and you will meet another one. It is a pattern of behavior your doing, usually without even realizing it, and it sets the stage for future events. even if you spend a couple years healing yourself dont think that you will automatically just stop attracting these types of people, it doesn’t happen that way. you will continue to attract what you always do you have to become consiously aware of your actions and thye way you deal with others in your relationships. And make changes accordingly. You have to become aware of your behaviors and how you are interacting with other people. you need to know what boundaries are, what they are for and how to place them in your life. do not go out there until you have placed firm boundaries in your life, it won’t work.

WHY DO WE DATE?

Why do we date?? We date to see if we even have anything in common with these people… Not because your’e looking for a husband, this is just to see if you can jive. So if he/she treats you with any type of disrespect, that is your cue to be done and move onto the next. Please don’t be so desperate for love that you excuse shitty behavior, or you make excuses with yourself so you don’t have to deal with the truth. You are not going to get along with every person you date, so pay attention to the signs and if those signs are flaming red flags then stop. Tell them thanks but you are not compatible, you don’t need to feel “bad”… stop being devastated because it didn’t work out, be happy you saw the signs and acted on them, that puts you one step ahead of the game. DON’T SETTLE and dont be devastated when something ends it is opening up room for something fabulous to happen to you, that is how it works…. we have ups and downs in life that is normal so when you are down just know that this will pass and you feel alive and well again, ying and yang of life. Who you truly are will never be defined by someone else.. only you!!

NEVER SAY NEVER

Some days I see so many say they are done, they will never love again. This always makes me sad. Because if you understood you create what your thinking and feeling about yourself, and it plays out in your daily life. You need to heal and get yourself mentally well before you are going to attract a decent guy/girl. if you are depressed all the time, thinking negatively, i promise you, if you meet someone new they are going to be toxic, just like your mood. We are all made of energy, each one of us, and that energy vibrates out to others. If everything you think about humanity is shit, your going to meet a shitty person. So how do you change this and raise your vibration to a much higher level?? You wake up every morning and the first thing you should be thinking about it what you have in your life that you are grateful for. Gratitude will change the worst of situations, it is very powerful. also you need to start looking at that cup as half full, not half empty, see everything we think is attracting others to us on that same level. The power of positive thinking is a proven, factual way of life that will raise your vibration higher, also and this is a must you must remove ALL toxic people you know that are in your life. There is nothing that will bring you down faster than a negative person or someone who drama just follows them every where. So just know that there are good people out there, if you haven’t met any yet, take a look at the dynamics going on in your life. They are out there.

 facebook_1583508127050

People’s Intention’s

Many, many people on this planet are not kind good people. it is just facts. you cannot walk around in today’s world giving your huge heart to everyone. There are pathological liars, scammers, thieves, and just mean spirited people who would love a chance to harm you, so please don’t be naive to this and think everyone is good. Make people earn your trust don’t give it away. Do not volunteer to be a victim.

 

Do No Harm, But Take No shit

 

BOUNDARIES ARE SO IMPORTANT

I have always been too trusting, after this happened to me I looked at myself and realized I had zero boundaries hell I didn’t even know what they were and I have paid dearly with my life for that. Boundaries are so important it draws the line on how we let others treat us. I would bet almost all that this has happened to didn’t have much in the way of boundaries in place. You decide how you want to be treated from now on by others and you draw a line on what you will except from others and what you will not and no matter how hard it is you remove anyone who crosses the line with you. Do not except poor treatment from anyone ever again. Do this with your head not your heart.

this is also a test for people you may let in to your life. if someone doesn’t respect your boundaries and is constantly crossing them you could very likely being dealing with a sociopath or narcissist. they will NEVER respect your boundaries and this is key to recognizing them.

If someone is constantly crossing your boundaries then they need to go.

 

STEPS TO HEALING FROM ASPD ABUSE

Does it ever get better? seems to be the one question we all ask at some point in all this. usually when the pain is so bad we don’t think we can take any more. remember this, through pain is growth, without it we would never change and to change is exactly what we need. the best way to get well from a relationship with someone with ASPD is to educate yourself on the disorder and learn about the forms of manipulation and abuse. the more you know the better you will understand what has happened to you and why you feel as bad as you do. read everything you can get your hands on. you also need some kind of support with others and or a therapist who specializes in personality disorders, be careful if they dont they can cause you even more damage. any therapist who tells you to get over it is not going to be a good fit. walk away and find another one your paying for this service make sure you get your moneys worth. many of us have made it with just using support groups like this. you need validation and to know your not losing your mind like so many of us have felt we are. the most important thing i think you can learn to help yourself is to learn about and build boundaries. most of us empaths let other people treat us like crap and that has to stop. make a list of what treatment from ANYONE you will no longer accept and put that into action. let NO ONE cross those lines you put up ever again. by doing this you will change your life and the people you allow in it from now on. this is so important that you do this and follow through with the boundaries you put up for yourself. you will gain self respect and self love by doing this action. read daily affirmations that are positive and stay no contact as much as you possibly can if you dont have children with them then you shouldnt be communicating with them , not if you want to get well. if you do have to see them because of your kids keep conversations limited to only regarding your children , they dont need to know whats going on in your life keep it impersonal. by doing thse things your life will get better and the pain will subside but you must be pro active in your healing it wont just happen by itself so the sooner you get to work the sooner you will feel better. don’t get me wrong sounds easy but its very hard work and no one can do it for you you must walk this path by yourself. i wish you all love, light and healing.

DO NO HARM BUT TAKE NO SHIT

“I’m going to tell you what a demon once told me: It is okay to want your own happiness. It’s okay to care about yourself the most. It’s okay to do what’s healthy for YOU. When someone hits you, it’s okay to hit back and then ask them what the hell they expected. It’s okay. You are not obligated to sit there and smile and swallow every bit of shit everyone heaps on you. You are more than furniture, you’re more than window dressing, you’re not their shiny toy. You’re human, and you have the right to say ‘That was shitty of you.’ You have a right to say ‘Let me feed that back to you; tell me, how does it taste?’ You have a right to protest your own mistreatment and set boundaries for respectful interactions. The rest of the world doesn’t realize you have this right, and they will act offended and appalled when you exercise it, but it is yours.”

—Sonneillon V.

COVERT MANIPULATION

so many ask this question,how, how could this have happened to me? because they are master manipulators that’s how don’t be hard on yourself. like a lot of us this will be a changing point in your life. a moment of clarification and you will see things you never saw before. its like be awakened. once you know your mind wont except this type of behavior anymore, well if you apply your knowledge to healing yourself and changing the way you see abuse. which usually follows after you realize this is not ok or exceptable to you as a human being. we all have made this mistake, trusting people we shouldn’t have trusted especially with our lives. yes its very painful but this truth will set you free.

LESSONS OR BLESSINGS?

dont ever let another person define who you are !!! yes you are a target when you have a low sense of self worth its what they look for that and kindness, empathy , everything they are not. you regain self love by putting boundaries in place and using them. you dont stand around and question things anymore. if something feels off you remove yourself from the equation. like red flags, when you see them as a warning and act accordingly you are less likely to be victimized. its about coming out of victim mode and believing in yourself and that takes time and life experience, give yourself the time !!! i believe to heal you need 3 things. 1. education of the subject 2. support from others who have been there. 3. time. believe in yourself not what some dumb jerk said about you. they are wrong. you are a good person and the universe is trying to teach you a very important lesson.