I have always been too trusting, after this happened to me I looked at myself and realized I had zero boundaries hell I didn’t even know what they were and I have paid dearly with my life for that. Boundaries are so important it draws the line on how we let others treat us. I would bet almost all that this has happened to didn’t have much in the way of boundaries in place. You decide how you want to be treated from now on by others and you draw a line on what you will except from others and what you will not and no matter how hard it is you remove anyone who crosses the line with you. Do not except poor treatment from anyone ever again. Do this with your head not your heart.
With a sociopath or narcissist if they are accusing you of cheating mark my words they are doing just that and they can do it but god forbid if you do it. Then you’re a whore. They do it because they can and for no other reason. Real life rules don’t apply to them. They have zero remorse and zero conscience and no empathy. Pretty much they are void and soulless. Sociopaths only love themselves but they are excellent actors and this will be the hardest thing to wrap your mind around. But it’s the absolute truth. They are attracted to your kindness, being naive and having a huge heart. They want to steal your empathy because they have none and feel none. They use people. They are liars cheats and thieves they have zero morals so when it comes to sex they do it with anyone it doesn’t matter who. Is it a set up? Yes. And it will destroy who you are inside you will be left with all the mess to clean up financially and other wise. They simply do not care about anything but themselves. The epitome of selfishness. Does it have anything to do with you or did you do something wrong???? Hell no. this is just the kind of people they are. They have a personality disorder and there is no cure. My advice to you is to move on. Run as fast as you can the other way and save yourself. I know I sound harsh and like I’m a hater which simply isn’t true, I loved my sociopath with all my heart but that didn’t do any good. They don’t ever change their ways and he will die doing the same old thing the only part you can change is who he does it with. Don’t let it be you and don’t ever think it was because of you. You didn’t make him this way and there is nothing you can do to help him. Walk away. No run!!!!!!
i have attracted these people all my life. it wasnt until i had been discarded by the love of my life, or the one i thought was, that i typed into my computer one night….warnings of online dating. i had met him here on the internet. there i saw the words in huge red letters on my screen, SOCIOPATH. my stomach did a flip and i threw up, i knew from that second on what had been happening in my life. i didnt know much about sociopaths but it took me back to when i was divorcing my first husband for cheating and lying and my mother had said to me, you understand he is a sociopath? this was before the internet and looking things up online. obviously then i didn’t understand what she met and history would repeat itself. i was in so much emotional pain i thought i was going to die. i needed to understand why this was happening to me. i became obsessed with researching the subject. the more i read the more i understood. this was a life altering moment in my life. there is no rule book we are given as young adults to learn about sociopaths or narcissism. this isn’t a topic they teach you about in school, although it should be. i spent a year in an online support group trying to unravel what had happened to me. i am so eternally great full for those people. they didn’t put me down for who i was they built me up for who i could be. all the damage that was done to me they helped me unravel. i started a small support group there and decided to move it to Facebook. its been three years and since he left and in less than one year i have over 2,500 members in this group for survivors. i am no expert just a girl who has been there. someone who cares about others despite what was done to me. what a gift Ive been given to watch others go from battered to healing. i can now pay it forward to others who are walking the same path as me and who have been down the dark road of sociopathy. if you have asked yourself why me and why is this happening to me just know its a secret gift from the universe to wake you up to the reality of who you are and who you need to become so this never happens to you again. if you don’t quiet yourself enough to listen to what the message is you will be sure to continue the abuse that comes from loving a sociopath. #stopthecycleofsociopathabuse
Don’t seek revenge on your ex sociopath the odds are it will blow up in your face and you will lose. if you have done your research you will find most back this up. you may think you can argue and win with a sociopath but you cant. they are master manipulators who don’t think they are doing anything wrong. their brains are wired differently and they will not let you have the last word. if your seeking revenge be ready to be hurt and destroyed more by them. the solution is to walk away and try to heal yourself and make a new life for just you. your not going to win so don’t bother….
when you feel like giving up, when life keeps throwing shit at you,,, don’t give up. that is when you are changing and growing into the new person you are going to become. through pain is when we grow so remember that when life is kicking your ass, don’t give up before the miracle happens !!! because it will happen !!!
“I’m going to tell you what a demon once told me: It is okay to want your own happiness. It’s okay to care about yourself the most. It’s okay to do what’s healthy for YOU. When someone hits you, it’s okay to hit back and then ask them what the hell they expected. It’s okay. You are not obligated to sit there and smile and swallow every bit of shit everyone heaps on you. You are more than furniture, you’re more than window dressing, you’re not their shiny toy. You’re human, and you have the right to say ‘That was shitty of you.’ You have a right to say ‘Let me feed that back to you; tell me, how does it taste?’ You have a right to protest your own mistreatment and set boundaries for respectful interactions. The rest of the world doesn’t realize you have this right, and they will act offended and appalled when you exercise it, but it is yours.”
so many ask this question,how, how could this have happened to me? because they are master manipulators that’s how don’t be hard on yourself. like a lot of us this will be a changing point in your life. a moment of clarification and you will see things you never saw before. its like be awakened. once you know your mind wont except this type of behavior anymore, well if you apply your knowledge to healing yourself and changing the way you see abuse. which usually follows after you realize this is not ok or exceptable to you as a human being. we all have made this mistake, trusting people we shouldn’t have trusted especially with our lives. yes its very painful but this truth will set you free.
sometimes we have to do things in life that we don’t want to or things that are uncomfortable to us to reach the other side. but once you get there i promise you will look back and know you made the right choice. there is no joy in living with a narcissist, sociopath or psychopath. stop the cycle of abuse. be true to yourself and your children !! change can be horrifying but without it we wouldn’t have growth. where there is lessons there is growth.
Sociopaths hurt you because they can . period . it makes them feel good. its so important to understand what makes them tick so you can learn to let go. you didn’t do anything wrong ! you didn’t deserve to be hurt by anyone. they enjoy taking kind people and crushing them because they get off on doing so that is all, not because you deserved it. when you finally understand this concept you will find yourself again.
dont ever let another person define who you are !!! yes you are a target when you have a low sense of self worth its what they look for that and kindness, empathy , everything they are not. you regain self love by putting boundaries in place and using them. you dont stand around and question things anymore. if something feels off you remove yourself from the equation. like red flags, when you see them as a warning and act accordingly you are less likely to be victimized. its about coming out of victim mode and believing in yourself and that takes time and life experience, give yourself the time !!! i believe to heal you need 3 things. 1. education of the subject 2. support from others who have been there. 3. time. believe in yourself not what some dumb jerk said about you. they are wrong. you are a good person and the universe is trying to teach you a very important lesson.